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(Bonnie is breathing heavily and turns around in bed, she wakes up and sees a woman standing over her bed.)

BONNIE: Elena?

(She stands up and looks around her, as though somebody else is in the room. She walks towards the fireplace and grabs a poker, only to turn around and see Lilly.)

LILLY: Hello again, Bonnie.
BONNIE: Lilly... I thought Stefan locked you in the cellar.
Lilly: He did, but prisons are easily escaped-- you of all people should know that.
BONNIE: (worried) What do you want?
LILLY: Must I constantly repeat myself? If you don't know what I want by now...
BONNIE: You want your creepy witch-vampire family back. Well, at the risk of repeating myself, there's no way.
LILLY: Isn't there? What's that term you witches are so fond of? "Loophole?"
BONNIE: Hmm. Even if there is a loophole, I won't help you find it.
LILLY: Oh, you've made your position quite clear. Apparently I failed to do the same, because you seem to think that I'm here for your help. (She vamps out) I'm not.
BONNIE: (raises her hand to do a spell) Phesmatos incendia.

(Nothing happens, and Bonnie looks concerned)

LILLY: (chuckles) Hmm. Those are lovely words, Bonnie. Here's another one... die.

(Lilly vamp-speeds to her but Bonnie stabs her in the stomach with the poker. Lilly gasps and Bonnie runs away. Bonnie runs out the door and looks back one more time, but when she turns back around, she runs straight into Kai.)

KAI: Wow, you are not good at running.
BONNIE: Motus.

(Once again, nothing happens. Bonnie looks alarmed, but Kai just laughs in amusement)

KAI: No magic? Oh, that's my fault, I was spooning you earlier. I think I might've sleep-siphoned you. Oh, but keep trying. It's adorable, like you're having a little seizure.
BONNIE: (confused) --How are you...
KAI: (cuts her off) --Did you think you could keep screwing people over and there wouldn't be any consequences?
LILLY: Now...

(Bonnie quickly turns around to find Lilly standing behind her. Lilly vamps-out)

LILLY: Where were we?

(Before she gets a chance to bite her, Bonnie is waken up by Elena, who is pulling the blanket off her)

ELENA: Up, up, up. Come on, no time to sleep in. (She offers her hands to help Bonnie up) We have to get Jo.
ELENA: Yeah.
BONNIE: Is everything okay?
ELENA: I hope so, considering she's walking down the aisle in t-minus ten hours. Come on (She claps her hands) Wedding bells await!

(The wedding dress is shown and Jo looks worried.)



(Jo, Elena, and Bonnie are preparing for the wedding in one of the studies in the boarding house. Jo is rushing around the room as she searches for something)

JO: Crap, they're not here.

(Elena looks up at her as she fills a glass with champagne)

ELENA: What's wrong?
JO: (freaks out) My shoes! My gorgeous, ridiculously expensive, wear-them-once-and-then-never-again shoes. They are missing.
BONNIE: Do you want me to do a locator spell?
JO: (confused) On my shoes?
BONNIE: Mm-hmmm.
JO: Is that possible?
BONNIE: I don't know, actually. Just hang on, I got to figure out how to work this stupid thing.

(She is helplessly trying to get a garment steamer to turn on, and accidentally pulls the hose out. Jo looks alarmed and frustrated as she sighs)

JO: (sarcastically) Oh, good, break it! Because my wrinkled dress will surely distract everyone from my bare feet.

(Elena turns to calm Jo down)

ELENA: Hey, hey. Come on. Don't waste all your panic now! You still have eight hours until the ceremony. (She offers her a glass) Non-alcoholic mimosa?
JO: (stressed) One, a non-alcoholic mimosa is just an orange juice. And two, I can't drink. Somebody should drink. You should drink.
ELENA: (smiles) I will drink, eventually. But, I have human tolerance now, which is cheaper but a lot less fun. (Elena and Jo clink their glasses together) Cheers.

(Jo's cell phone suddenly rings, and Elena lunges for it to answer it for her)

ELENA: Oh. oh! (to Jo) Relax. (She answers the call) Jo's phone. Oh, huh. Okay.
JO: (panicked) That's not an "okay" okay. That's a "there's a problem" okay.
ELENA: (on the phone) Yeah, we'll call you back. Bye. (She hangs up the phone and awkwardly hesitates for a moment before she turns to Jo) Danielle's got the flu.
JO: (smiles tightly) Huh. It sounded like you just said, "Danielle has the flu," which is impossible, because Danielle is my wedding coordinator.
ELENA: (grimaces) ...Yeah.
JO: (frantically) Well, how sick is she? Can she still work?
ELENA: ...It depends on how much vomit you want to have at the wedding.

(Jo walks away and starts to pace around the room, but she stops when she hears a voice.)

CAROLINE: To be honest, I think maybe this is a good thing! Because no matter how good Danielle was, I am pretty sure I'm better.

(Elena smiles and rushes over to hug her)

ELENA: Caroline, I missed you!
CAROLINE: I missed me, too.

(They pull away)

CAROLINE: Thank you for getting me back.

(Elena nods happily)

BONNIE: (emotionally) Hi!

(She hugs Bonnie, both of them with tears in their eyes, but they pull away after a moment)

CAROLINE: Okay, now, we've got a lot to do and not a lot time to do it. Elena, just have a drink, you're not going to pass out. (Elena goes to fix herself a drink) Bonnie, the switch is on the left-hand side on the back.

(She walks to the steamer so she can finish steaming the wrinkles out of Jo's wedding gown)

CAROLINE: And Jo, I can see your shoes under the couch. (She winks at Jo, who sighs in relief) Okay, now, who's dealing with the boys?


(Matt, Tyler, and Alaric are hanging out at Alaric's apartment before they get ready for the wedding. They all sit down around Alaric's coffee table, which holds a bottle of bourbon and shot glasses)

MATT: Okay, we got suits.
TYLER: (opens the ring boxes) I got the rings!
ALARIC: And the vows.
TYLER: So... What do we do now?

(Tyler begins filling the shot glasses with bourbon. Once he's finished, he holds up a shot glass in a toast)

TYLER: To Alaric Saltzman, who after today, will have sex with only one woman for the rest of his life

(He hands Alaric a shot glass, and they all laugh)

MATT: Seriously, just one! You can't even look after this.
TYLER: Not that chicks are throwing themselves at an occult studies professor, but...
MATT: (laughs) Yeah! Actually, you should probably lock this down while you still can.
ALARIC: Yeah, you remember how great it was when you two were fighting?
TYLER: (shrugs) Sorry, full moon tonight. Feeling extra dick-ish.
ALARIC: (to Matt) And what's your excuse?

(Both Matt and Tyler's cell phones buzz at the same time, indicating they've just received text messages. They reach for their phones at the same time and check their messages, causing Alaric to become concerned)

ALARIC: What? What is it?
MATT: (sighs) Wedding day chores.
MATT & TYLER: (simultaneously) Courtesy of Caroline.
ALARIC: (laughs) Karma. Sweet, sweet karma.

(They all clink their glasses and drink their shots)


(Elena is doing her make-up in Damon's bedroom, Caroline walks in to join her while she looks at her phone.)

CAROLINE: Okay, the boys are officially taken care of, bride and maid of honor are in hair and make-up. I'm gonna head to the venue and fix... whatever they're screwing up.

(Elena is reaching for something and almost burns her hand on the curling iron that is sitting next to the sink. Caroline instantly panics and rushes to stop her)

CAROLINE: (worried) Elena, the curling iron!
ELENA: (gives her a look) Yes, I can see it, Care.
CAROLINE: (sheepishly) Okay!
ELENA: I'm human now, not blind. And I'm not fragile, either. You don't have to walk on eggshells around me.
CAROLINE: Uh, I do, actually. Because if you walked on them, they could cut you and you'd get infected and probably die.
ELENA: (considers this statement) You know what? Given my luck, that actually seems possible.

(They both giggle, Elena grabs a glass of champagne.)

CAROLINE: So, what's it like now in the world of the living?
ELENA: It's different, I'm slower, I have to look both ways before crossing the street, but it's nice to not...
CAROLINE: (blurts out) --Be a monster like me, who turns off their humanity and commits murder instead of dealing with grief like a normal person?
ELENA: (looks at her sympathetically) I was gonna say... not have to wear a daylight ring all the time.

(Caroline chuckles in embarrassment)

CAROLINE: Look, I'm so sorry, Elena. I was trying to hurt you when I said that you would never truly be happy with Damon because you weren't human. And now you are, and I just hope that it's not because I made you think that you would be miserable for eternity.

(Elena walks toward her and touches Caroline's arm comfortingly)

ELENA: Care, I've wanted to be human from the day I became a vampire. Besides, I'm the last person that you need to apologize to.
CAROLINE: Thanks, I kind of wanted to start with an easy one.

(She laughs awkwardly, and Elena nods in understanding)

ELENA: The dreaded "Amends Tour."
CAROLINE: Mmm, if you see Stefan, by the way, I am avoiding. (She looks at herself in the mirror.) I just need to get my life in order first. Starting with my friends.
ELENA: Stefan's not a friend?
CAROLINE: Stefan's... complicated. I just figured I'd work my way up to that one.
ELENA: Well, you're in the clear. He's got his hands full with Damon today.
CAROLINE: What's wrong with Damon?
ELENA: Not much... (She hesitates before continuing on, trying hard to seem casual) He just said he would take the cure with me...

(Upon hearing this, Caroline immediately turns to Elena and looks shocked.)

CAROLINE: Damon Salvatore? Human? I... I can't even picture it.
ELENA: (sadly) Yeah. Something tells me neither can he.


(Damon and Stefan are in Stefan's car, where Stefan is driving them to an unknown place. While they drive, Damon mocks Stefan for his timing)

DAMON: (mockingly) "Sure. I'll be your best man, Ric. But first, hang out with the worst man so that my brother can kidnap me on the day of your wedding."
STEFAN: (slightly offended) Hey, don't you hate weddings anyway?
DAMON: I hate little Stefan mind-games even more.
DAMON: So, anytime you want to clue me in as to where the hell we're going...
STEFAN: Oh, come on. It's your last few days as a vampire. Can't blame me for wanting to spend some quality time with my brother. Ah, look, here we are.

(Stefan parks the car in front of a brown house, and they get out and look at it.)

DAMON: (sarcastically) Is Mr. Rogers expecting us?
STEFAN: You know Mr. Rogers is dead, right?
DAMON: Yeah, you're gonna be joining him in make-believe if you don't get to the damn point.
STEFAN: So, this is a house I lived in during one of my many attempts to start over. Welcome to your suburban nightmare.
DAMON: You don't think I thought this through?
STEFAN: Well, I think you've thought about a life with Elena. I don't think you've thought about neighbors or a mortgage or-- (A boy who is playing in the yard next door accidentally kicks a ball at Damon)-- or kids. I don't know, might not be your thing.

(Stefan walks away, and Damon throws the ball back to the boy.)


(Someone knocks at the door of the Salvatore house. When Bonnie opens it, she finds Enzo on the front step, smiling at her, and immediately tries to close it, but Enzo holds it open)

ENZO: Relax, relax. I'm not here to cause mischief.
BONNIE: Said everyone who ever causes mischief.
ENZO: I told Lilly I'd visit.
BONNIE: Is this like some Oedipus thing? All right, you know what? Doesn't matter.

(She once again tries to close the door, but Enzo is faster and stops her.)

ENZO: Excuse me, little witch.
BONNIE: If you think, I'm gonna let you-- a ruiner-- in here to see another ruiner on the day of Jo's wedding, you got another thing coming.
ENZO: She's lonely, and hungry.

(He holds up his hand, revealing that he's holding an iPod with earbuds wrapped around it)

BONNIE: And she can't eat that.
ENZO: I'm not trying to feed her. I'm trying to keep her sane. (He throws the iPod at Bonnie) That is filled with loads of songs from the last era she knew. I thought it might bring her comfort. If you're not a complete monster, I trust you'll pass it on.

(Enzo walks away, leaving Bonnie conflicted about what to do. She closes the door and goes to the basement, but stops when she hears Lilly babbling to herself quietly.)

LILLY: I want my family back. That's all I've ever wanted, to have my family back, with me, where they belong.

(Bonnie walks to the door of the cellar and looks in through the bars, but she can't see Lily inside anywhere)

BONNIE: (confused) What?

(When she wants to walk away Lilly appears, having hidden next to the door out of sight. She grabs Bonnie by the throat and tries to strangle her, but Bonnie escapes out of her hold. They look at each other with anger until Bonnie gets scared and runs away.)

(Upstairs in the parlor, Elena is using makeup to conceal the bruises on Bonnie's neck from where Lilly tried to choke her to death)

BONNIE: She was rambling on about her family, and then I got close to her, and she attacked me, like an animal.
ELENA: (sighs) Sounds like she's reached the full-blown crazy stage of drying out.
BONNIE: You're saying this is all because she's drying out?
ELENA: It's hard for me to explain how awful it is but, yeah. Your mind starts playing tricks on you. You start seeing things, and people.
BONNIE: What happens when the crazy stage is over?
ELENA: Well, Stefan said that he has a plan. You know, to get her back on track.
BONNIE: Does that plan involve letting her out? Because if he thinks she's giving up on her family...
ELENA: (frowns) She has to. Bonnie, you already destroyed the Ascendant.
BONNIE: What if there's a loophole?

(Jo walks in and interrupts them)

JO: I'm dreading it, but I guess I should think about putting the dress on.

(Bonnie and Elena stand up, and Jo walks over to them, clearly worried by the looks on their faces)

JO: Something's wrong. It's not the dress, is it? Please tell me it's not the dress.
ELENA: We were just discussing the fact that there's a desiccating vampire locked in a cell less than fifty feet from where we're getting ready.
JO: (confused) Did she do something to the dress?
BONNIE: The dress is fine. I'm just being paranoid.

(Matt arrives at the boarding house and joins them)

MATT: Okay. Truck's here. Who's coming?

(Elena and Bonnie look at him in confusion, so Matt elaborates)

MATT: Caroline suggested in a semi-threatening way that I pick up the centerpieces, which sounds like a Donovan screw-up waiting to happen.
BONNIE: I'll come!
MATT: (gives her a thumbs-up) Thank you.

(They walk away to do their "wedding chores")


(Caroline and Tyler are at the farm where they are setting up for Jo and Alaric's outdoor wedding. Tyler is putting the flower arrangements at the altar while Caroline directs him on where they should be placed.)

CAROLINE: No, not there, there. Still a little bit higher. Well, that's not a little, but...
TYLER: But, I'm bad at flowers? Yeah, I assumed you knew that.

(He pauses for a moment and sighs)

TYLER: Caroline, why am I here?
CAROLINE: (hesitates) I tried to kill you. My humanity was off, but I still tried to kill you, and you're my friend, and... I'm sorry.
TYLER: (smiles) That's funny. You and I moved on a while ago, but getting tortured by your ex and her new boyfriend is never good for the ego.
CAROLINE: (defensive) He's not my boyfriend.
TYLER: Whatever he is, I can't keep up.
CAROLINE: You have to know, I would never do anything like that if it weren't for...
TYLER: (cuts her off) --You're good, Care. And, if you want to make amends? Let me get the hell out of here.
CAROLINE: (laughs) Hahaha! Nice try! But, if I were getting married in an altar that looked like that, I would be divorced in a week. So come on, Lockwood. Next row.

(Liv walks into the room, and when Caroline and Tyler hear her voice, they immediately turn to look at her)

LIV: Honestly, you should probably do that yourself.
TYLER: (shocked) Liv, what are you doing here?
LIV: You do know that Jo's my sister, right?
CAROLINE: Goody! More amends. Drinks will help-- strong ones.

(She walks away so that Tyler and Liv can speak privately. They both look at each other in awkward silence before Liv finally breaks the ice)

LIV: You look good.
TYLER: Thanks.
LIV: How are things?
TYLER: Good.
LIV: Still recovering from that injury?
TYLER: (confused) What injury?
LIV: Whatever head injury turned you into a monosyllabic goon.
TYLER: Monosyllabic? That's an awful big word for a college drop-out.
LIV: (becomes angry) Oh, I'm sorry. Was I supposed to stay at Whitmore after my ass of a boyfriend told me he never wanted to see me again?
TYLER: Hang on, you're mad at me?
LIV: I lost my brother and then my boyfriend in the span of a week.
TYLER: (exasperatedly) And instead of coming to me, you tried to kill yourself!
LIV: I was hurt.
TYLER: That doesn't make it okay!
LIV: You're lecturing me on flying off the handle? Wow. You know what? I'm gonna wait outside. Gemini wedding means big-coven-reunion heading this way.

(She walks away and Tyler sighs in frustration.)


(Matt is filling the truck with flowers and Bonnie comes out of the store with more of them while she discusses their current situation with Lily)

BONNIE: Elena says she's desiccating and that's why she's crazy, but...
MATT: Yeah. She killed two people last week when she wasn't desiccating.
BONNIE: I know this will sound crazy, but I've been having these nightmares with her and Kai...

(Matt looks concerned and grabs a bag out of his truck before setting it down on the ground in front of her)

MATT: Here.

(He opens the bag and reveals that it's full of anti-vampire weapons such as stakes and guns with wooden bullets)

BONNIE: (confused) What's this?
MATT: When Bonnie Bennett has a hunch, you don't ignore it.
BONNIE: What do you think we should do?
MATT: I know what we shouldn't do-- leave her in the hands of two people we don't trust.


(Stefan and Damon are in Stefan's old house, where Stefan is standing next to a microwave.)

DAMON: Yeah, It's nice. Brazilian hardwoods, open floor plan, updated kitchen. (He picks up a magazine off of the table) What kind of road-kill are you cooking in there?
STEFAN: Well, considering the fact that you actually have to eat as a human, I just wanted to give you a little taste of what your dinner's gonna look like. (He pulls a microwave dinner out of the freezer and holds it up) You don't cook, Elena doesn't cook. Who has time anyway with work and kids, right?

(Stefan sets the package on the table and Damon picks it up and smells it before grimacing.)

STEFAN: Mmm, Salisbury steak. Dig in, Damon. You're gonna need all that energy for these.

(He picks up a pile of files and hands them to Damon)

DAMON: Oh yeah? What's this?

(Stefan throws the paperwork on the table.)

STEFAN: That's just the rest of your life.
DAMON: (annoyed) Paperwork? That's your big move?
STEFAN: Let me ask you something, When was the last time you filled out paperwork of any kind... taxes, health insurance, driver's license?
DAMON: Every idiot in the country does it. You think I'm gonna have trouble with this?
STEFAN: You will, the first time you encounter some moron that you can't kill or compel.
DAMON: Maybe. (He opens the refrigerator) Then I would just come home and pop a beer from my beautiful stainless steel refrigerator.
STEFAN: Which you won't be able to afford unless you have a job, and if you're about to say you can borrow money from me, you can't.
DAMON: Well, that's not very brotherly of you.
STEFAN: Actually it is. See, I won't know where you live. You'll have the cure running through your veins, and if I know where you are, then someone can use me to track you down and take the cure from you and turn you into a 172-year-old corpse.

(Damon looks down at the floor, clearly unhappy with Stefan's plan)

STEFAN: What's the matter? Haven't thought that far ahead? See eventually, word will spread, and you and Elena will have to move away. You'll have to isolate yourself, no friends, no family. This will be your life, Damon. This will be your hell.
DAMON: Well, that is where your are wrong, my brother. (He grabs a paper out of his pocket and unfolds it) This will not be my life.

(He shows Stefan the paper, which is an advertisement for a bar)

DAMON: This will be my life. See, Elena was pretty explicit about what she wanted. Now this isn't TriBeca. New York's a little too crowded for me, but it is above the bar that I own, next to a medical school. It's in the northwest somewhere. I mean, I'd tell you where it was, but you made it abundantly clear you didn't want to know. (He walks away) Heh, heh. I'm gonna check out upstairs.

(Elena is still getting ready for the wedding at the boarding house when her phone rings. When she sees it's Stefan, she answers it while she looks at her half-full glass of champagne)

ELENA: I'm on my third glass, so speak slowly.
STEFAN: You know how you and I were both worried that he didn't think this through? (He pauses, looking annoyed) He thought it though.
ELENA: (laughs) Ha! It's Damon. He didn't.
STEFAN: He's ready to do this, Elena. He's got your perfect little life all planned out.
ELENA: I want the perfect human life with him, too, Stefan! Trust me. But life isn't perfect. Okay, look-- you have a few more hours, so push him. Make him see that.

(Stefan sighs and hangs up. Elena drinks up her third glass of champagne and fills her fourth.)

JO: Hey, remember when you were pacing yourself?
ELENA: Heh, I do. Right before I told my ex-boyfriend how to get my current boyfriend to give up hope for our relationship. What if I made a huge mistake by taking the cure?
JO: The only mistake you made was that last glass of champagne. (She grabs the glass from Elena's hand) I'm gonna go make some coffee before you spiral through the earth to China.
ELENA: (laughs) Yeah, okay.

(Jo is about to walk away with the glass when she suddenly gets a weird look on her face and grabs her stomach. She starts to get dizzy, as though she's about to fall, but she leans against the nearby piano for support. Elena turns around and watches as Jo accidentally lets the glass fall onto the floor, making Elena extremely worried)

ELENA: Jo, are you okay?

(Jo becomes so dizzy that she faints, hitting her head against the piano on her way down before she hits the ground. Elena rushes over to her as quickly as her newly-human speed will allow and checks on her)

ELENA: Hey, Jo. Jo. Jo. Jo!


(Jo is sitting in an exam room while Elena talks with a doctor. After a moment, Elena walks over to her)

ELENA: The doctor got the test results back. The babies are fine, you're fine. He thinks it was just...
JO: An acute panic attack, brought on by stress, pregnancy, and a severe lack of food?
ELENA: (smiles) Yeah.
JO: What are the chances of you being an amazing maid-of-honor and keeping this mortifying episode to yourself? I don't want to worry Ric.
ELENA: Of course.


(Despite Jo's request, Elena meets up with Alaric outside to explain what happened)

ELENA: (worried) You can't tell her that I told you.
ALARIC: Okay, fine, but I want to see her.
ELENA: (shakes her head) Not 'til the wedding.
ALARIC: Elena!
ELENA: Ric, if there's anywhere that you should be superstitious, it's Mystic Falls.
ALARIC: Okay, fine, but what happened?
ELENA: The doctors think that she had a panic attack.
ALARIC: As in she doesn't want to get married to me panic attack? Great.
ELENA: No, as in it's her wedding day and she has two small humans growing inside her, and she can't self-medicate like you, Bourbon-Breath. (Alaric gives her a look) Sorry, I just... I saw her fall, and my first instinct was "Vamp to her," but I couldn't, and then I saw her hit her head, and I wanted to give her vampire blood, but I couldn't.
ALARIC: Wait, so are you having second thoughts?

(Elena shakes her head)

ELENA: No, because then I thought, "What would a human do?" So, I called 911, got her to the hospital, and then I let the doctors do their job, and it felt oddly empowering. Why didn't you tell me?
ALARIC: Tell you what?
ELENA: How amazing it feels to be human again! At first, I was worried that it might take the edge of my senses, but it's the opposite. I feel...connected to the world again. I feel...
ALARIC: Alive?
ELENA: (smiles and nods) Yeah.
ALARIC: That's because your life has purpose again. It's finite, and it's... pretty much the greatest feeling in the whole world.


(Caroline walks into the tent where Alaric and Jo are getting married with two drinks in her hand and walks straight toward Tyler)

CAROLINE: I made you guys some amazing drinks, with a little bit of tequila. Okay, a lot of tequila. (She looks at Tyler and realizes that he's alone) And there's only one of you. What did you do?
TYLER: I didn't do anything.
CAROLINE: (sighs) He said angrily.

(She turns a chair and places it in front of Tyler so she can sit and talk to him)

TYLER: Nothing has changed. (Caroline gives him a look) What, because she walks in here with a pretty dress and a new haircut, I'm supposed to forget how she acted?
CAROLINE: No, you're supposed to talk to her like an adult and work out your problems.
TYLER: You don't know about our problems.
CAROLINE: No, but I know about your problems... unless you're cool with only making it two weeks in the police academy and then having no purpose in life? At least when you had her, you were trying, Tyler.
TYLER: (frustrated) You're giving me advice about relationships, after all your Stefan drama this year? (He stands to his feet) Do me a favor, figure out your own damn life. Let me worry about mine.

(He stands up and leaves. Caroline sighs sadly and remains seated for a moment. Suddenly, her phone rings. When she sees it's Stefan, she hits ignore)


(Stefan and Damon are still in Stefan's old house, where Damon is clearly anxious to leave)

DAMON: Well, I applaud you for your effort, Stefan, but I think it's time for the "This Is Your Life" tour to end. You get the address?
STEFAN: Yep. Tuxes are in the car, we're good to go.
DAMON: Good.
STEFAN: Oh, hey, just one more thing.
DAMON: (sighs) Ugh, what now? You gonna give me a lecture on laundry, oil changes, personal hygiene?
STEFAN: Break-ups

(He hands Damon his flask)

DAMON: What about them?
STEFAN: Well, I guess you hadn't really thought about that, right? What if you and Elena aren't really soulmates?
DAMON: You know, I'm not very big on labels, bro, but I think we're pretty good on that front.
STEFAN: Yeah, you sound like me, four years ago. You know, Elena and me, we were soulmates, too.
DAMON: (becomes angry) Watch it, Stefan.

(He pushes the flask roughly against Stefan's chest.)

STEFAN: Hey, I'm just being realistic. I mean what if something goes wrong? You're still human, still isolated, still alone.
DAMON: Not gonna happen.
STEFAN: Right, cause couples stay together forever? They never fight, they never hurt each other, they never drift apart? Hey. Let me show you.

(He grabs Damon's face and uses his vampire telepathy to create an illusion in Damon's mind)


(Damon is sitting in the kitchen, drinking his bourbon, when Elena comes home from work.)

ELENA: You're still up?
DAMON: (smiles tiredly) Rough night?
ELENA: Just... long. I keep having to tell myself, "A couple more years of residency, and I'll be free."
DAMON: (pats the chair next to him) Come sit, have a drink with me.
ELENA: I'm actually kind of tired, I'm gonna go to bed.

(She kisses his head as she walks toward the stairs, leaving a sad Damon alone at the kitchen table. He takes another drink of his bourbon and sighs)


DAMON: (sarcastically) Oh god! Elena has a job. Somebody help me.
STEFAN: Oh, that's just two years in. Wait 'til you hit seven.

(He grabs Damon's temples again and gives him another vision)


(Elena is at the kitchen table, working on paperwork and looking things up on her laptop, when Damon returns home)

DAMON: Hello.

(He walks toward her and kisses her on the cheek)

ELENA: (sighs) You're drunk.
DAMON: I sense judgment, which is odd. You're the one who wanted me to own a bar.
ELENA: I wanted you to own it, Damon, not pass out on it every night.
DAMON: Yeah, well that bar's a lot more affectionate than you.
ELENA: Hey, I just finished my residency, Damon. I'm working my butt off to build a career.
DAMON: Well, I'm drinking my butt off building mine.
ELENA: If you're that unhappy, then just sell the bar!
DAMON: And do what?
ELENA: I don't care, Damon. Whatever it is you want to do.
DAMON: Well, that's the thing, Elena. I can't do what I want to do because what I want to do is drink all night without getting drunk, drive my car like a psycho without fear of death. I want to tear someone's head off without getting arrested.
ELENA: You're right, Damon. You can't do any of those things anymore.
DAMON: Because of you. I can't because of you.
ELENA: Just say it.
DAMON: This was a damn mistake.
Elena: You're right. This was a mistake.

(Damon furiously throws his glass against the floor, and Elena jumps away. Damon then looks up toward the ceiling)

DAMON: (to Stefan) Get out of my head!


(Damon forcefully headbutts Stefan in the face, forcing Stefan to back off)

DAMON: (aggravated) I see what you're doing. This isn't about me being alone. This is about you being alone-- without me, without Elena. Awfully selfish of you, brother.
STEFAN: Even if you and Elena defy every single statistic and stay in love every hour of every day... (He shoves Damon against a wall.) You still can't control life or death. She's human. She could die at any moment. What is your life gonna look like without her?

(He grabs Damon's head one more time to give him one last vision)


(Damon walks into the house and lays his keys on the table. He grabs a pizza out of the freezer and pulls a dirty glass out of the sink. He intends to fill it with bourbon, but when he sees it's too dirty, he just drinks from the bottle. His food is on the table and he's sitting on the couch watching TV. He looks like he is about to cry.)


(Stefan lets go of Damon's head and backs away from him)

DAMON: (angrily) So you make us drift apart, break us up and then kill her? That's harsh, brother.
STEFAN: She wanted me to be harsh.
DAMON: (confused) This is her idea, too? (He looks sad) Well that's funny, because the two people closest to me are the two most sadistic.
STEFAN: You know, if you do this Damon, you're human forever. No matter what happens, there's no going back.
DAMON: (frustrated) What do you think I should do?
STEFAN: That's the thing, I can't tell you, Elena can't tell you. You can't do this for me or for her, you have to want to be human for yourself.


(Caroline is walking up to an waiter with champagne glasses on his plate.)

CAROLINE: Oh, excuse me, they need some more drinks over there. Thank you.

(Elena walks to Caroline.)

CAROLINE: Hey, where's Jo? Is she...
ELENA: She's fine. They discharged her.
CAROLINE: Good. Well, there's a back entrance she can use that avoids being seen.
ELENA: Okay, I'll tell her.

(Caroline texts someone on her phone. Elena sees Stefan approaching them in his tux and calls out to him)

ELENA: Stefan!

(Caroline turns around and sees Stefan. She quickly becomes alarmed and turns to Elena.)

CAROLINE: ...I'm gonna go wait for Jo.
ELENA: (smiles) Okay.

(Elena watches Caroline run away just as Stefan makes it over to her)

STEFAN: I'm not used to scaring people away.
ELENA: People are uncomfortable around Salvatore's in tuxes, it stirs... feelings.
STEFAN: Uh-oh, Elena's human again. Am I sensing another brother swap?
ELENA: (laughs) Is he with you?
STEFAN: No, he needed some time to think.
ELENA: That sounds very ominous. (Stefan looks down) You don't want him to take it, do you?
STEFAN: Well, it's not up to me.
ELENA: (chuckles) Stefan, I'm not him. You can tell me how you really feel.
STEFAN: Look, of course I don't want him to take it. He's my brother. The thought of losing him is...
ELENA: Yeah, I know. (Stefan sighs) So, what do you think he's gonna do?
STEFAN: Well, you never knew Damon as a human.

(While Stefan and Elena talk, Damon sits on the porch of Stefan's old house, listening to all of the sounds around him.)

STEFAN: He was aimless. Always searching for something more. Sweet and earnest to a fault, but never strong-- that came later, when he found himself-- when he truly became Damon.

(The boy next door to Damon accidentally kicks his ball at Damon again, and Damon catches it. He becomes frustrated and walks over to the boy, where he crushes his ball in his hands right in front of him, causing the boy to become sad. At the wedding location, Elena and Stefan continue to talk)

STEFAN: He loves being a vampire, and I just don't think he'll ever give that up.


(Bonnie and Matt are sneaking through the boarding house into the cellar, each of them holding vervain-dart guns and crossbows in their hands with plans to capture Lily and take her elsewhere)

BONNIE: She's gonna kill us.
MATT: I thought the whole point of this is that we were in control of her.
BONNIE: Not Lilly, Caroline. The wedding starts in an hour.
MATT: All we have to do is knock her ass out and drag her to the boiler room. Thirty minutes, tops.

(They walk in the basement, where Matt immediately notices that the door from the cell is open)

MATT: Bonnie?

(They walk in the cell and look around)

BONNIE: Enzo must have let her out. (She pulls out her phone) I have to warn everyone.

(Suddenly, Matt starts to gasp for breath, as though someone is choking him, but no one seems to be around)

BONNIE: Matt? Matt, what's wrong?
MATT: (gasps) I can't breathe. It's like someone is crushing my throat

(He falls down on the ground, desperately clawing at his throat to try to relieve the pressure)

BONNIE: Okay, just hang on, I'll...

(Suddenly, the same thing starts to happen to her, and she, too, falls onto the floor in the cell. After a moment, both she and Matt pass out)


(Enzo is drinking alcohol at the bar when he suddenly hears a familiar voice nearby. It's Lilly, who looks very happy and refreshed)

LILLY: Tea, please-- Earl Grey.
ENZO: And to what do I owe the pleasure?
LILLY: I heard you tried to bring me something called an, uh, MP3 player? I'm not entirely sure what that is, but still, I wanted to thank you.
ENZO: And they let you out of your cell to do this?
LILLY: Of course not, but I'm resourceful.
ENZO: (clearly worried) Hmm. Should I be concerned about an imminent Ripper binge?
LILLY: Actually, no, you shouldn't. I was a Ripper because I lost my family, but today I'm getting them back.


(Jo is doing her makeup when her phone vibrates. She answers it)

JO: If you're trying to organize a secret rendezvous...
ALARIC: Don't worry, I'm not. I just need help with my vows. What rhymes with battlefield clamp?
JO: (laughs) Divorce?
ALARIC: Hahaha. So, how are yours coming?
JO: Stop fishing for spoilers!
ALARIC: You know this place is crawling with Gemini. Who knew there were so many of you?
JO: Well, there's not much to do in the coven other that procreate. You haven't seen my dad, have you?
ALARIC: No, actually. But, it's big of you to invite your attempted-murderer to your wedding.
JO: (smirks) He gives really good gifts. Oh and never say, "big of you" to a pregnant woman.
ALARIC: (chuckles) I hate that I can't see you right now.
JO: I love that you hate it. See you soon.

(They hang up, and Jo returns to putting on her makeup. After a moment, a male voice calls out behind her. It's her father.)

JOSHUA: Maybe I should just, uh, leave my gift and go then.
JO: (surprised) Dad! What are you doing back here?
JOSHUA: You're my daughter, and I, uh... ahem... I don't expect you to say yes but... if I didn't at least ask to walk you down the aisle, I couldn't live with myself.


(Caroline has presents in her hands and is about to put them away when she sees Stefan in front of her and quickly turns around, though she freezes in place and doesn't run away)

STEFAN: (amused) You're avoiding me.

(Caroline turns around and tries to play dumb)

CAROLINE: What? No. I'm not avoiding you. I'm trying to organize this whole circus here. I mean, did you see where they put the bar?
STEFAN: (gives her a look) Caroline. (He pauses for a moment) Can we talk?

(After a moment, Caroline nods. The scene cuts to a nearby bench near the barn, where Stefan is in the middle of catching Caroline up on what she's missed)

STEFAN: Alright, just say it-- I'm wrong, I'm making this about me, I'm being selfish.
CAROLINE: No. Sorry, not wanting to lose your brother is pretty low on the selfish scale. Forcing someone to turn off their humanity on the other hand? That...
STEFAN: Hmm. Yeah, that's uh... that's way up there.

(He sees her hand resting between them on the bench and squeezes it with his own)

CAROLINE: Yeah. Do you hate me?
STEFAN: No, of course I don't hate you. Doesn't mean that I don't hate the way you handled things.
CAROLINE: Well, that makes two of us.

(She pulls her hand away, and sighs nervously)

CAROLINE: I made a list... of uhm, all the things that I've done since I fell for you. It started last summer when you moved away. I started obsessing over where you were, wondering why you weren't returning my calls. I told you I hated you when I felt ignored, missing my mom's final moments because I was kissing you. and then she died...
STEFAN: (interrupts her) --Caroline--
CAROLINE: (continues on) --And all that I needed was for you to tell me that you felt something for me, and you didn't. And it affected me so deeply that I did the worst possible thing a vampire can do-- I turned off my humanity. And when I thought I couldn't do anything else, I got you to turn off yours.
STEFAN: Well, I forgive you.
CAROLINE: Yeah, but, that's the point, Stefan. The old Caroline wouldn't have forgiven me. She would've smacked me and said "What the hell are you doing?" And I hate the way that this has made me feel.
STEFAN: That's because you're a control freak who's lost control. I feel the same way when I'm around you. That's what falling for somebody is. It's being vulnerable. It's-- (He grabs her hand again)-- giving up control.
CAROLINE: I know... but where I'm at right now in my life, with the guilt and the grief, control is all I have. And I don't think that I can give that up.

(She sighs and walks away)

(Meanwhile, Elena is at the altar making last minute arrangements when Damon walks in. She hears him and turns around)

ELENA: (shyly) Hi.
DAMON: Isn't a bridesmaid's dress supposed to make you look like a freak of nature?
ELENA: Uh, Jo went easy on me. (She smiles as she walks over to Damon.) I talked to Stefan.
DAMON: He did not go easy on me. Apparently that's your fault. His argument was pretty convincing. I'd made up my mind... (Elena's face shows a little sadness.) But then...


(Damon has just crushed the neighbor boy's ball, and now he's angry)

BOY: (whines) You ruined my ball!
DAMON: Well, you're lucky I didn't ruin your face! (He stares the boy in the eyes and compels him) Go inside, get the car keys from your mommy. I'm going to a wedding.

(The boy walks away and a car comes up and pulls into the driveway several houses down.)

DAMON: On second thought...

(The old man gets out of the car and opens the passenger door his wife so she can get out.)

OLD MAN: Don't forget the...
OLD WOMAN: The leftovers. I know, you told me three times. Forty years, and every time, (She mocks his voice) "Did you remember the leftovers?" Like I'm getting senile or something.

(Just as she's about to walk up to her house, her husband rushes in front of her, grabbing her butt as he does so)


(She smiles at her husband and turns around and kisses him. Afterward, they walk into the house together.)


(Damon smiles at the memory before continuing to speak to Elena)

DAMON: I'm taking it. I've been a vampire for a long time, Elena. It's been a blast. I would give it up in a second to be your husband. (She smiles happily) Your partner, the father of your kids...
ELENA: (worried) You can't take it just for me.
DAMON: That's what you and Stefan keep saying, but you're wrong. I can. I can take it for us. Okay? (Elena looks like she is about to cry) Because even if it doesn't work, even if it all goes to hell, even if I'm miserable and alone, the smallest chance of a perfect life with you is infinitely better than an immortal one without you. And I know this, Elena. I love you... and I will love you until I take my last breath on this earth.

(They both smile and Damon leans in and kisses her.)

(Outside the barn where Jo and Alaric are getting married, Caroline is leaving Elena a stressed-out voicemail while Stefan and Jo listen in nearby)

CAROLINE: (on the phone) Where the hell are you? Bonnie and Matt are already M.I.A, and now you and Damon? What is wrong with you? This is a wedding. This is supposed to be Jo's magical night, and you are ruining it. We're starting without you.

(She hangs up and hears Jo laughing in the background.)

CAROLINE: This is not funny!
JO: (giggles) It's kind of funny.
STEFAN: Uh, hey, look, I don't want to tell you how to run your wedding, but...
CAROLINE: We're not waiting anymore. Tell them to cue the music.

(Up in the attic of the barn, there are clothes all over the floor next to where Damon and Elena have just finished making love in a pile of hay, with only a horse blanket over top of them. Damon suddenly hears something with his vampire-hearing while Elena kisses his neck)

DAMON: Um, I think it's starting.
ELENA: (pulls away from his neck) What? No! What time is it?

(She looks at her phone and sees five missed phone calls and even more text messages from Caroline.)

ELENA: Oh my god. No, no, no, no, we're so late.

(They both sit up and start putting on their clothes.)

DAMON: Well, you're the one who couldn't keep your paws off me.
ELENA: (throws him his shirt) Damon, put your tux back on.
DAMON: (smiles) I am, I am.

(Damon laughs at her while they get dressed. Once they're finished, they make their way downstairs, where they look slightly rumpled, with sex-hair and several stray pieces of hay stuck in their hair and clothes. Caroline is waiting in the wedding room when they walk in, and she gives them a very unamused look)

CAROLINE: Well, I hope it was worth it.

(Elena picks a piece of straw out of Damon's hair.)

DAMON: (smirks) Actually...
CAROLINE: Ick, gross! Not the time, okay? Have you seen Bonnie or Matt?
ELENA: (worried) They're not here yet?
CAROLINE: Ohh, just go, go. Go, go, go.
DAMON: Okay.

(Elena and Damon make their way down the aisle to start the wedding. The two link arms, but when they realize that they are in the wrong order, they quickly switch places)


(Matt wakes up on the floor of the basement cell and finds Bonnie still unconscious next to him. Unlike Matt, her wrists have been cut, causing her to bleed all over the floor, though someone has taken the time to duct tape her wrists.)

MATT: (groans in pain) Ugh, Bonnie? (He stands up and walks to her.) Bonnie?

(She suddenly wakes up, but is weak from blood loss and can barely speak)

MATT: Hey.
BONNIE: It was...


(Damon and Elena finally make it to the altar, where they take their places on each side. Damon moves to stand behind Alaric, who turns slightly to whisper to him)

ALARIC: (to Damon) And so?
DAMON: Looks like I'm joining the human club! (Elena smiles at him across the aisle) It's a big night for both of us.
ALARIC: I'm proud of you.
DAMON: You, too, buddy.

(Jo walks, escorted by her father, and everyone turns to watch them meet Alaric and the bridesmaids and groomsmen at the altar. Once everyone is in position, the Reverend begins his homily. Alaric is stunned speechless by the sight of Jo, and they both beam at each other)

THE REVEREND: Welcome, family and friends, on this magical evening to the wedding of Alaric Saltzman and Josette Loughlin. Josette and Alaric have prepared their own vows.
ALARIC: (clears his throat nervously) Ahem.


(Lilly is walking around a block of warehouses outside of town with Enzo following behind her. When Lilly doesn't see anyone nearby, she begins to panic)

LILLY: (turns to Enzo) This can't be it. No one's here.
ENZO: Perhaps your companions gave you the wrong address?
LILLY: They're not the ones who gave me the address.
ENZO: (confused) Then who did?


(Alaric and Jo are giving their vows during the wedding ceremony)

ALARIC: Neither one of us should be here right now. We've spend our life dodging fate and beating the odds.

(Elena and Damon look at each other happily while Alaric speaks)

ALARIC: But, because we did, I got to meet you, the most beautiful, hilarious and intimidatingly brilliant woman I have ever known. You inspire me, you've shown me that happiness is actually something that I can have in my life. And so... (He grabs the ring from Tyler) I promise to be with you, and love you, and to dodge fate with you-- (He puts the ring on Jo's finger)-- for the rest of our lives.

(Jo begins to cry, and the camera cuts to all of the "Mystic Falls Gang" in turn to show their reactions)

JO: Oh god, that's a tough act to follow. (Everyone laughs) Here it goes-- Alaric Saltzman, you are...

(She stops suddenly and gasps loudly, looking weak and in pain. Alaric looks alarmed)

ALARIC: Jo? Jo? Jo? Oh my god. Jo? Jo? Jo?

(Jo starts to sway on her feet as blood begins to pour from the front of her dress, as though she's been stabbed from behind)

ALARIC: Jo? Oh god, no!
JO: Aah! Aah!

(She falls forward and is caught by Alaric, revealing that Kai is standing behind her with a bloody hunting knife in his hands)

ALARIC: No! No, no, no, no.
KAI: I was gonna wait 'til the "death do us apart" bit, but it seemed a little on the nose. Am I right?

(Alaric is on his knees on the ground now, and he's holding Jo, who is white as a ghost and looks as though she's in bad shape. Joshua stands up from his seat and rushes toward them, but Kai holds up a hand, magically creating a high-pitched noise that incapacitates everyone at the ceremony. Liv, Tyler, Stefan and Caroline, all grab their ears and scream in pain as Kai smiles gleefully)

KAI: Miss me? No? Oh well.

(The noise Kai has magically created is so powerful that all of the glasses and windows shatter, causing Damon and Elena to fall to the ground. When Elena makes impact, she slams her head against the ground and is knocked unconscious. Damon desperately pulls her up onto his lap and looks devastated as the wedding ceremony erupts into chaos)


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