Promised Land/Transcript

AT THE SALVATORE HOUSE: 

(Damon has a traveler tied to a chair. He sprays water in his face to wake him up)

Damon: Wakey wakey. Mr...

(Damon grabs an ID tag from the traveler's shirt and reads it)

Damon: Sikes.. Head of corporate accounts.

(The traveler tries to speak, but Damon also has his mouth bound)

Damon: Oops. Sorry about that! Yeah. Can't have you mumbling any of those annoying traveler *unintelligible*. It's a sure migraine. So, here's the deal. My brother and my girl have both been kidnapped by travelers and I can't seem to find them anywhere. I mean, like, POOF, gone. Right. So besides a completely useless hybrid in my basement and a cave full of sleeping travelers, I've got nothing to go on except you. So I'm going to need you to tell me where I can find your leader, Markos. 

(The door opens behind him)

Damon (without looking behind him): What's up, Blondie?

Caroline: Liv and Luke aren't answering any of me.... 

(Caroline trails off when she sees who Damon has captive in his living room)

Caroline: Oh my god! Mr. Sikes?

Damon: You know him?

Caroline: Yeah! He helped me open my first savings account! He gave me a lollipop.

Damon: Well, unfortunately, Mr. Sikes here is occupied by some low-life traveler. I saw him and his buddies chanting in the town's square last week. I also know that Markos and your traveler comrades are planning some big, flashy spell to undo some super-boring, ancient, witch curse. And where that sucks for us; it just happens to undo all witch magic, i.e. kill, me and my sexy blonde frenemy here.

Caroline: If you know where Markos took Stefan and Elena, you need to tell us. 

Damon: Yep. Sorry. You're going to have to speak up.

(Damon mocks the traveler, knowing full well, he can't speak with his mouth restrained)

Damon: Hmmm. Nope. Didn't quite catch that either. 

(Damon takes an object and pierces his leg with it, causing the traveler to mumble in pain and Caroline to cringe)

Damon ''''''(to Caroline)''': I think he's trying to say something. 

(Damon removes the cloth from his mouth)

Damon: Come on. Say goodbye..

Traveler: It doesn't matter where Markos is. Nothing you do can stop him now. 

IN THE TRAVELERS' CAMP:

(Markos and the other travelers have Elena chained up to the wall. Her wrists are bleeding badly. Buckets catch the blood as it falls. Stefan is kept elsewhere in the compound. He too is writhing in pain. Markos enters the room Elena is being held in with a glass of water in hand. He tips it up to her lips and she takes a drink. After a second passes, she coughs up little drops of blood that land on his face)

Elena (her voice unsteady): Yo-o-u hav-ve enou-gh blo-ood.

(Markos wipes the blood from his face)

Elena: Let me go

(Markos takes a knife and slits Elena's wrist right down the middle, causing her to scream out)

Markos: I'll have enough when you can no longer speak.

(Markos turns and leaves, closing the door behind him)

(In another room, when Stefan is being held, light streams into the sealed room when a door opens. An unseen person removes the chains and the lock that bind Stefan to the table)

Stefan: Who's there?

Unseen Traveler (Maria): Shhh. Get out of here. GO!

(Stefan finally stands up, but he soon crumples back to the floor. In Elena's room, the door opens once again. She sees a figure, who she assumes to be Markos, and she starts trembling in fear. Finally, she sees Stefan standing in front of her)

Elena: Stefan...

Stefan: Elena ..

(The room grows dark)

TITLE CARD AND OPENING CREDITS:

(After escaping the traveler's camp, Stefan and Elena have holed up at some small store to use the payphone)

Damon: Seriously? Collect calls are still a thing? 

Stefan: Yeah, well, you know what could have saved you the cost of this phone call? You finding us. How long have we been gone?

Damon: Four days.

Stefan: Four days!? Four days and you couldn't track us down? What did you think? We were having a nice spa getaway? 

Damon: Woah! Woah! Woah! I've been searching 24/7, okay? Maybe if you would've been a little more perceptive, you wouldn't have gotten yourselves doppelnapped. 

(Suddenly, something barrels against the wall, shattering a window in the house Stefan is leaning on while making his phone call)

Damon: What the hell was that?

Stefan: Travelers drained us of our blood, so we're having to do a little hunting.

Damon: You have Elena participating in squirrel slaughter?

Stefan: Believe me. She's no happier about it than I am. 

Damon: Mhmm. She'll shoot your eye out. 

Stefan: Do you want to talk to her, or are you still pretending you don't want to hear her voice? 

Damon: Don't psychoanalyze me, Stefan. Where are you? I'll come get you.

Stefan: I have no idea where we are. We're in the middle of nowhere. Listen, we'll make our way back, but Markos drained most of all our blood - and considering the kinds of spells he was able to do with just a little bit of it..

(Stefan trails off)

Damon: Yeah. I know.. FInd Markos; kill Markos; save Mystic Falls from becoming traveler home. It's going to be a busy day for me, Stefan. Time to strap on the hero hair. 

Stefan: I'll get her home safely, all right?

Damon: Get both yourselves home safely, brother. I'd hate to have to kick her ass for losing you.

(Damon and Stefan disconnect from their phone-call. Just as Damon sits the phone down, he is struck in the chest with a widdled piece of wood by Enzo)

Enzo: Forgetting someone? 

Damon (yelling): Bonnie!!

Bonnie: He said you promised to bring him back. 

Enzo: Ah. You're paraphrasing. He said, quote; "I will find a way."

(Bonnie turns to Enzo and rolls her eyes)

Bonnie: Whatever. 

Damon: Hello! Still here. And I know what I said. 

Enzo: Remind him that he doesn't have a very good track record for keeping promises.

Bonnie: Please stop talking.

Enzo: The the other side is on the brink of collapse. I plan on pestering all of you until I'm safely returned to the land of the living. 

Bonnie: You need to fix this before I lose my mind. 

Damon: Hey! I'm sorry. I've got two missing doppelgangers; I've got a traveler that wants to rid our town of magic; and I've got the friendly banker, Mr Sikes, in the coat closet. So your escape from the netherworld is going to have to wait till tomorrow. 

(Enzo becomes increasingly angry. He picks up a bottle of alcohol and chucks it into the fireplace, causing the flames to climb up the wall)

Bonnie: I think he wants to be penciled in for today.

Damon: Then you bring him back.

Bonnie: What? 

Damon: Liv is cooking up a spell to pull you back from the other side before it goes "kaboom." So whatever you're doing, just include Enzo in it.

(Bonnie doesn't answer. Instead, she looks down at her feet and avoids making eye contact with Damon)

Damon: You hear me, Enzo? Just hitch a ride with her. Okay. See? There. Delegating. I feel better.

Bonnie: That's not a great idea.

(Before she can explain further, Jeremy comes in through the front door)

Jeremy: You called?

Damon: You.. I need you and your x-box buddy to run an errand for me. Come on, let's go.

(Jeremy and Damon take off, leaving Enzo and Bonnie alone) 

Enzo: Well? What are you waiting for? Ring up your little witchy friend and get her over here. 

ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD:

(After escaping from the traveler's camp, Stefan and Elena are walking along a desolate road, trying to make their way back to Mysic Falls. They see an eighteen wheeler pass by. They try to get the driver to pick them up, but they fail)

Elena: God. I feel like an idiot!

Stefan: Ditto.

Elena: Do that thing again; the vamp thing.

Stefan: No. I don't want to do that, come on. You know It's embarrassing,

Elena: Come on! It's the only thing keeping me sane right now. 

Stefan: Sure

(Stefan tries to speed off using his vampire abilities, but he hardly gets a few feet before his ability stops working) 

Elena' '(unimpressed): It was funnier the first time. 

Stefan: Yeah, well.. You were delirious the first time. 

Elena: How many, uh, you know.. are we suppose to have before we get our strength back?

Stefan: Uh.. More than we've had, that's for sure. Let me know if you see a damn buffalo. 

Elena: This is just depressing 

Stefan: Yeah. More depressing than walking for miles and not knowing where the hell you're going? 

Elena: No.. probably not more depressing than that. 

Stefan (changing the subject): Damon is in full-hero mode today.

Elena: I'm sure he was thrilled about that. 

Stefan: I don't know.. he had the whole "savior of the universe" voice going on. 

Elena: I like that voice. You know, maybe his whole thing is a sign. 

Stefan: A sign of what?

Elena: My blood can literally destroy him. If that's not a sign that we're in a toxic relationship...

(Stefan interrupts her train of thought, trying to reassure her)

Stefan: Our blood. Alright? Our blood. Don't hog the blame. Look, we're vampires; we're a toxic species. Whether you want to blame it on magic or biology, it's just who we are. When a human gets ravenously hungry, they eat a double cheeseburger. We kill people. And some of us are more extreme than others, but that's just who we are. 

Elena: How come you are so much better at controlling it? 

Stefan: Beause I'm so much worse when I don't. I'm only going to say this once. You two are miserable without each other. So if you want to be with him, just be with him. Look, when humans want to break free from complication relationships, they go to therapy. Vampires get a pass.  Okay?

(Elena nods)

Stefan: Come on. 

(Stefan and Elena resume walking along the road)

AT A DINER:

(Liv and her brother, Luke meet up at a rundown diner to discuss their next move)

Liv: I ordered us waffles. I figured our last meal wouldn't be complete until we poured liquid sugar all over our food.

Luke: Hmm.. my ray of sunshine sister 

(Liv tries to get his attention by lowering his menu)

Liv: The coven's pissed, Luke. You were supposed to hide Stefan and Elena from the travelers and you practically delivered them on a silver platter.

Luke: O-oka-y How was I suppose to know that "Casper the English Ghost" would be a complication? 

Liv: Tha's not the point. We were never suppose to let things get this far. We got sucked into some stupid, "let's be friends," trap. 

Luke: These people are nice. Okay, more than I can say for our screwed up family.

(The utensils sitting in front of Luke begin to shake violently. He also gets a headache)

Luke (crying out): What are you doing? 

Liv: It's not me. Like I said, the coven is pissed.

Luke: Fine! I'll listen

(Finally, the headache lifts and the silver-wear stop moving) 

Liv: We were suppose to keep the doppelgangers from falling into Markos' hands... We failed. We can't let them succeed in taking away our magic. There's only one move left: We have to kill Stefan and Elena. 

(Luke looks around to make sure no one is listening in)

Luke: Yeah..

ACT 2:

SOMEWHERE IN MYSTIC FALLS: 

(A female traveler hears a knock on her door.)

Traveler: Morning, Sam. 

Sam: Mrs. Douglas; a special delivery. 

(The man hands her a vial of blood She, in turn, gives him an envelope. He leaves and she goes back inside and is joined by her husband)

Husband: The mailman didn't deliver anything?

Traveler: Nope. Just picking up. I'm going to be late for school. I've got a million college essays to review. 

Husband: What's going on, Pam? Something is wrong.. you're different lately. 

Traveler: I think what's wrong is the fact that it's taken you so long to notice that your wife has been colonized by a total stranger. 

Husband: You think I'm joking? I'm serious. 

Traveler: So am I. My name's Carl. I'm a traveler living inside your wife's body, while my real body is asleep in a cave under the town. 

Husband: What are you talking about? 

Traveler: This isn't my first choice, but I needed to borrow something that's... expendable.

Husband: Pam, you need help .

(The traveler picks up a pair of scissors on a stand and jams it in his neck

Traveler: This marriage was a disaster anyway. No hard feelings. 

(She picks up her purse and goes to leave, leaving her hosts' husband to die in a pool of his own blood in the floor)

BACK ON THE ROAD: 

(Stefan and Elena continue their trek back to Mystic Falls)

Elena: I think I just hallucinated a unicorn.

Stefan (joking): Maybe Caroline's nearby?

Elena: Ha. If Caroline was here, we'd have a fully catered buffet on the side of the road... and a rainbow.

Stefan: Two rainbows. 

Elena: haha! That's funny. You know, when we were younger, I couldn't decide what was more annoying: The control-freakiness, or her delusional positivity. RIght now, honestly, there isn't a single person I wish was here more. 

Stefan: Control-freakiness never really bugged me.

Elena: Yeah, but you didn't have to build a barbie castle with her in second grade.

Stefan: That's true. But I do know this; if Caroline Forbes were here right now, we would both be laughing. 

Elena: We are so pathetic. You know what? Let's put on our best Caroline Forbes hat, shall we?

(Elena stops walking and holds out her harms in the air)

Elena: Alright universe! Enough screwing around! We're ready for the god stuff!  Theme dance, or block party maybe? 

(Stefan sees a car approaching them from behind Elena)

Stefan: You've got to be kidding me! 

Elena: What?!

(Elena turns around and sees the car)

Elena: Oh my god! That is so weird!

(Stefan raises his thumb to hitchhike, but Elena makes him put his hand down. She turns around, adjusts her shirt to show more cleavage, flips her hair, before she turns back around, throwing her jacket over her shoulder They she sticks her thumb up. The car pulls up)

Elena: See? 

(Elena approaches the car)

Elena (sees a women in the driver's seat): Not what I was expecting... 

Stefan: Alright. Let's cut to the chase

(Stefan catches her gaze and tries to compel her)

Stefan: You're giving us a ride. 

Maria: You trying to compel me? Who do you think freed you last night? 

(Both look confused)

Maria: Get in. They're coming for you. 

BACK AT THE SALVATORE HOUSE:

(Damon picks up pieces of broken glass)

Damon: Ahh! Great. I'm going to add carrying to the list of things you can't do well, but that's okay. You can repay me with your salary from the grill... if you want to work a couple thousand years.

Matt: Why don't you do us all a favor and start dating Elena again. 

Damon: Just put her on the pool table.

(Matt lays one of the traveler's bodies on the table)

Caroline: Wha the hell is going on? Who are all these people?

Damon: Traveler husks They've passengered themselves into the beautiful citizens of Mystic Falls, like your buddy Mr. Sikes.

(To Matt and Jeremy)

Damon: You two make yourselves useful. Patrol the town; call me if you see anything weirder than usual.

Caroline: and what are you planning on doing with all of them?

Damon: Well, Markos put them in a cave. I'm hoping he wants them back. 

Caroline: So you think drawing Markos to your house is the best idea?

Damon: It's the only idea!  Unless your body snatched ex-boyfriend in the basement can help us.

Caroline: Julian is not Tyler. Therefore, he has no reason to help us. So until I figure out a way to get Tyler back, he's just extra baggage

Damon: There's no shame in giving up. I mean, aren't we all a little sick of Tyler? 

Caroline: You know what? Your whole "too cool to care" thing is really starting to get old. Don't think for one second that I believe your mood has nothing to do with Elena. 

Damon: Spare me the unsolicited relationship advice. 

Caroline: Fine! Just keep your torture happy hands away from Tyler until I figure something out. I don't abandon the people I care about. 

HEADING BACK TO MYSTIC FALLS:

(After being picked up by the traveler that freed them, the trio head back to Mystic Falls in her car)

Maria: It was too risky to haul you out of there myself, so I had to circle back.

Stefan: Won't they kill you for helping us out? 

Maria: Yes, which is why we need to make sure they don't get to me before I get to my husband. I assume you know where he is?

Elena: Well, seeing as how he's permanently passengered into one of our best friends, yeah. This isn't a three person kind of truck, is it? 

Maria: You could always sit in your boyfriend's lap.

(Both Stefan and Elena start talking at the same time)

Stefan: She's not my girlfriend.

Elena: We're not together

Maria: Oh Noted Sorry, I assumed. I thought the doppelgangers were like, fated soul-mates or something. 

Stefan: Something like that... 

Elena: So... you want your husband back. I get it, but didn't he run from Markos too? Doesn't that make you guys both dead? 

Maria: Markos is focused on breaking the curse, so that the travelers can settle permanently in your home town. I'll have a head start if I can get to Julian before Markos starts the spell.

Stefan: We're not just going to let you take Tyler.

Maria: Tyler is gone. There's only Julian now and he belongs with me. Once the spell starts, Magic will be stripped away layer-by-layer. Tyler's body will turn from hybrid, back to werewolf, then he'll just be dead. And my husband along with him. So leaving him behind is not an option. 

IN THE CELLAR:

(Caroline goes down to the Salvatore cellar to question Julian about Markos and the traveler's plans. Once standing over him, Caroline just gawks, without saying anything)

Julian: Quite hoovering. It's weird. 

Caroline: You're like.. permanently inhabiting the former love of my life. Let's debate the level of weird. 

Julian: If he's former, why do you care? 

Caroline: Because he's a person... whose life you stole without asking. He deserves to be fought for. 

Julian: Whatever.

(Caroline rolls her eyes and debates leaving, but she decides to sit down and give Julian a lecture) 

Caroline: So. Why can't Markos and the other travelers find some other place to live? 

Julian: It's nice here.. Besides, it's not just about breaking the curse that keeps us from being able to settle; it's revenge against all of the things the witches stand for. Every grimoire; every talisman; every vampire, right down to your daylight rings..

(Caroline fiddles with her ring as Julian continues on)

Julian: The travelers see it all as a perversion of pure magic. Markos wants to destroy that perversion. He wants to restore the balance. 

Caroline: but that's just.. wrong.

Julian: It's not really wrong, when you think about it. If anything, it's kind of right. 

Caroline: Well, why does he have to be so violent about it?

Julian: When it comes to getting what he wants, Markos doesn't have much of a sense of humor. 

IN THE CAVES:

(Markos goes back to the cave full of sleeping travelers. Only when he enters, he sees that the cave is empty. His eyes finally make contact with a note hanging on the wall, which says: "Found: Cave of wannabee witches. For more information, call Damon Salvatore." He rips the note off the wall and crumples it up, throwing it on the ground)

ACT 3: 

AT THE SALVATORE HOUSE:

(Damon taps his fingers on the head of a comatose traveler sitting in his living room)

Damon (to himself): Nothing.

(He goes and picks up a fireplace poker, to presumably see if that warrants a physical response from the traveler, but his phone starts buzzing before he can)

Damon (on the phone, sarcastially): Salvatore Boring House.

Markos: I'm calling about my people. 

Damon: Hey! You found my note! Now listen, don't be offended, but I can't just give them to anyone. So, what do they look like?

Markos: They're ragged; beaten down by the world, desperate for a home.. 

Damon: You just described homeless people, asians and Matt Donovan. 

Markos: One of them is 5'10, wearing a black coat... You're standing next to him.

(Damon looks around for a moment, before Markos enters through an outside door)

Damon: I know the concept of a home is new to you, but it is polite to knock. 

AT CAROLINE, ELENA AND BONNIE'S DORM ROOM:

(Bonnie shuffles her belongings into a box, while Caroline talks)

Caroline: So Julian is trapped inside Tyler forever, or until he dies. So, I was thinking.. what if he does die? You, know, maybe that's how we do it! That's how we get him out! 

Bonnie: You want to kill Tyler?

Caroline: He'll go to the other side and then, when Liv does the spell to help you and Enzo, Tyler can come back. 

(Bonnie doesn't say anything. She just continues to pack the room up)

Caroline: And speaking of, shouldn't you be, like, preparing, or talking to Liv? Or doing anything other than packing up our dorm room?

Bonnie: We have to be out of here right after finals, which I might skip, due to the potential extinction of magic in the place where I was spending my summer break. 

Caroline: Right, but I think the other side falling apart is slightly more pressing than late housing fees. 

(Bonnie grows more frustrated. She aggressively tosses one of the boxes, which piques Caroline's suspicion)

Bonnie: There is no spell.. I made it up. The other side is collapsing and everyone in it, including me, is going away for good.

(Caroline is strangely speechless)

Bonnie: So no. I don't think you should kill Tyler.

(Bonnie storms out, but Enzo had been listening to the conversation the whole time from a corner in the room)

BACK AT THE SALVATORE HOUSE:

(Markos eyes the main room at the Salvatore House)

Markos: Nice place.. A little rustic. My tastes are a bit more modern, ironically. Still, good bones and all. 

(He knocks on one of the walls, checking to make sure it's sturdy)

Damon: I think you read the flyer wrong. See, the bodies are the only thing on the bargaining table... And in the attic... and in the garage. 

Markos: About that...

Damon: And in the kitchen... 

Markos: Please tell me taking hostages isn't your grand plan. It feels a little.. small. ? (I think I'll add a half-bath) ? off the foyer.

Damon: Funny! Here I thought you didn't have a sense of humor! 

Markos: Hmm.

(Markos makes a face when he gets a whiff of something)

Damon: Oh! If you're wondering about the smell, I have your salvation army doused in gasoline and I'm just itching to light a match. 

Markos: You're right! None of this would be possible without their willingness to passenger themselves into your citizens and help perform my spell.

(Markos takes out some crucifix-shaped object)

Markos: and while I'd like to give them the opportunity to return to their actual bodies...

(Markos takes the cross-shaped object and crams it into the artery of one of the travelers, killing him)

Markos: It's not essential to my plan.

(Damon is speechless)

Markos: Did you really think you found the whole of my people? Travelers are everywhere. They're the faces that surround you every day... the world over.. the ones you don't notice. Because you're too busy making a mess of all you have

(Markos glances over the foyer again)

Markos: They want those things too. A home; a family; a better life. And they're willing to die for it. 

Damon: You want a promised land? I get it. Okay, but look: off the record, I mean, Mystic Falls is kind of a dump... bad schools, terrible traffic.. and forget about ever getting a decent cup of coffee. 

Markos: Mysic Falls is just a means to an end: like a small pebble dropped into a very large pond. 

(Markos picks up a piece of ice and drops it into a drink he made for himself)

Damon: Very poetic! No idea what it means. 

Markos: Once we destroy the spirit magic in this town, the witch's curse will finally be broken, but from there, the spell will ripple outward, unraveling spirit magic as it spreads. Only pure magic - our magic - will remain. My people will be free to go wherever they choose. And when witch magic, and everything it ever created, is gone from this Earth, you will be too. 

Damon: I think I've heard about enough.

(Damon vamp speeds after him, but Markos easily pushes him across the room)

Markos: You underestimate me. I've completely transfused myself to doppelganger blood. I am channeling all the power of my people. You aren't strong enough to kill me anymore!

(Markos hears chanting humming in the background)

Markos: Not that it matters. The spell has already begun. 

(All across Mystic Falls, travelers disgused as townfolk are pulling out vials of blood, busting them open in their hands and saying the spell. As the events transpire, Elena, Stefan and Marie drive through the town's square)

Maria: Home sweet, home.

(Elena, who is still starved from the blood loss, see's the veins in her neck throb)

Elena: I don't mean to be rude, but would you mind if I drained your corotid a few ounces?

Maria: We're 2 blocks from home. Would you mind holding out, considering I saved your lives? 

(She retreats)

Maria: A word of advice: keep a low profile. This is exactly where Markos doesn't want you to be. If a traveler spots you, you're going right back to that camp

(Suddenly, Liv is standing in the middle of the road, with her hand held out)

Stefan: Look out!

(Maria gasps and stomps down on the brake. The car comes to a screeching halt)

Elena: What the hell is she doing?

Maria: Trying to kill you... just a wild guess.

(She flips the car in reverse and hits the petal. The car lunges backward a few feet, but Luke stands behind the car, with his hand outstretched as well) 

Stefan: Get out of the car!

(Maria takes off her seatbelt and tries to get out of the car, but the doors won't budge)

Stefan: Unlock the doors!!

Maria: I did!

(Suddenly, the pedal pushes itself down and the vehical moves forward. Maria tries hitting the brakes, but it nothing happens. The car continues moving foward, until it almost hits Liv. Instead of striking her, the front end of the car completely smashes in on itself, just as it would in a car crash)

ACT 4:

IN